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( another week, another trip to mystic falls.

sometimes it feels as if he's at this boardinghouse more often now than he was years ago, plotting and scheming and crashing parties. perhaps he would not feel so bone-tired about these visits if they were planned and joyous occasions in which he visited his daughter. unfortunately that so rarely is the case lately.

it's moments like these in which he misses hayley. her steadfastness; her certainty; bloody hell, the firmness and tenderness of her empathy. she would know what to do, what to say. of course, if hayley were here, hope would not act up as much as she has this past year. angry and lost without a mother. angry and lost even with her father. because of him.

there is truly so much he has done wrong. there is too much he cannot possibly make up to her. he does not know where to start, how to start, and it feels sometimes as if it would make no difference to her.

the long talk with hope does little to comfort him, or her. the snide, judging remarks from alaric have him seeing red. he retreats to the abandoned library for some peace, some time to get his thoughts together. the wood of the balcony railing is worn around his palms where he stops; his knuckles whiten. a bit more pressure and it will splinter and break.

a part of him could use the bit of violence; another part recognizes the futility. )

( she erased him.

his brother doesn't have to convince him to stand back. ultimately, damon wants whatever elena wants, and he wants her to be happy.

he believed she'd know who he really is, who she knows him to be, who she helped him become. but, she doesn't see past his past. all she sees is jeremy's murder. he's a monster.

he does some drinking. he refuses to become the monster she remembers him being. his bender won't include bubble baths or lying on the road, and he wants some credit to his growth.

luckily, distractions pile up. he insists on being included in the enzo rescue mission. because, apparently, there's a civilian named Tripp who weaponized the former quarterback. matt is just as useless as he remembers. there's also the matter of 'sarah salvatore,' and once he admits it, when he makes the connection between the witch doctor and Kai, getting bonnie back. also the anti-magic hamster ball he called home.

alaric starts getting closer and cozier with said witch doctor, and to be honest, damon holds the grudge.

stefan is going through something and caroline has emotions, so damon turns to a newly freed enzo.

everyone's lives revolve around whittemore now, so that's a late in the series change, but a bar's a freaking bar.

he sets down the bottle he's compelled for himself in front of his old friend, the only person that feels like he's no different. everyone else is making big life decisions, dating each other, or resenting each other.

he's just playing catch up. )

Did everyone have a personality transplant while I was gone, or just everyone I know? Please don't tell me there's something else you need to tell me besides 'Thank you for rescuing my ass.'

( he'll wait, anyway. )

i wish the world were ending tomorrow. i could arrive at your doorstep and say: come with me.

𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞